Stop being grouchy 

More cantankerous than a cactus? Sure, it’s tempting to blame other people and situations—neurotic friends, bad bosses, psychotic boyfriends, a tough childhood—for your irritable mood, but it’s possible that it’s not really your life but your attitude towards it that is bringing on a case of the bitchies. In other words, have you ever considered that you could be responsible for muddling up your own life? “The truth is that everyone has to deal with bad news, difficult people, and disappointments,” says Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff... And It’s All Small Stuff.

“But it’s not really the stuff that happens, but how you deal with it that really matters.” Basically, you can overreact, blow things out of proportion, and believe that everything really is a big deal, or you can change a couple of habits and makes life seem easier and the people in it more compatible. From your attitude to what you’re eating (no joke!), we’ve ID’d nine not-so-obvious reasons you’re such a porcupine, plus ways to bring that smile back...

Your ‘In Basket’ Is Always Full
Got a long list of important phone calls to be made, projects to be finished, and things to get done? According to Carlson, looking at life as if its purpose is to somehow get everything done can make anyone restless and grouchy. That’s because it’s a vicious cycle: “Often, we convince ourselves that our obsession with our ‘to do’ list is only temporary—that once we get through the list, we’ll be calm, relaxed, and happy,” says Carlson. “But that rarely happens. As items are checked off, new ones simply replace them.” Ultimately, if you’re constantly obsessed with getting everything done, you’ll never have a sense of well-being.

The solution: “Remind yourself that everything can wait and that very little in our work lives truly falls into the ‘emergency’ category,” says Carlson. “In the end, nothing is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and that of your loved ones.” Instead of spending all your energy trying to get tasks done, spend time doing things that you’ve always wanted to: hang with friends, spend time with your family, and do something worthwhile every day.

“Remember, when you die, there will still be unfinished business to take care of,” emphasises Carlson. “And you know what? Someone else will do it for you! Don’t waste any more precious moments of your life getting bugged about pressures.”

You Want All the Glory

Ever interrupted a pal because you have a better story to tell? Or shown someone down to prove that you’re superior? Everybody’s been there! And while it’s only human to want to feel important and have people notice you, when you’re constantly seeking to prove that you are better than others, you get caught in a rat race that only ends at Snappy Town. “Most of us have an ego-centered part within us that wants to be seen, heard, respected, considered special, and that’s often at someone else’s expense,” says Carlson. “It’s the part of us that interrupts someone else’s story, or impatiently waits her turn to speak so that she can bring the conversation and attention back to herself.”

But constantly engaging in oneupmanships will leave you—and the person you’re speaking to—irritable, restless, and feeling competitive. The next time a friend toots her horn and you feel the urge to say something about yourself in response, have the quiet confidence to be able to surrender your need for attention and instead share the joy of someone else’s glory. “Rather than jumping right out and saying, ‘Once I did the same thing’ or ‘Guess what I did today’, bite your tongue,” says Carlson. “Ironically, when you surrender your need to hog the glory, the attention you used to need from other people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting others have it.”